How do you prepare for a time like this?

Let me start at the Beginning......(this is really long, mostly a journal entry for my benefit!)

February 14th I get a call from my mom saying that my dad had a stroke at school and that he was taken to the hospital. He was doing ok and she would keep me posted. Later that day she calls and says he is being taken to the hospital in Olympia to be watched and for some more tests...protocol. He was doing fine, reading and pointing out things that are wrong with pictures, things were looking good. The next morning I get a call from my mom and dad wasn't doing well, something must have happened over night so they are running more tests. Come to find out he had had 2 more mini strokes that night. The Dr. was puzzled because his heart monitor had never changed, strokes are caused by blood clots in the brain, an irregular heart beat can cause a blood clot and send it to the brain, but this wasn't the case. So they scanned his brain to look for clogged artery's which also cause strokes and there none, but they did find an old stroke that happened within this last year. So now he is up to having 4 strokes.

My sister and I were talking on the phone and the spirit was there because we were both prompted to book flights and get up there as quick as possible, even though mom said she was fine and things are fine...yaya we know her better than she thought! =) So Jord and I were up there the next day and went straight to the hospital.

It's wonderful how the spirit works, we went straight to his bedside and he looked over at us and didn't say anything because the strokes affected his speech and he couldn't move his whole right side, but he turned his head and you could tell by his eyes that he was happy to see us. A tear even fell down his face...that doesn't happen often. We could see that he wanted to talk, but couldn't. It is so hard seeing your strong, independent dad in a situation like that, but the spirit never left my side and I was comforted(as im sure jord and my mom were too).

We spent some time with my dad so my mom could go back to work and it was good just sitting there holding his hand, talking about old times, new times, whatever times. We were never a heart to heart touchy feely family, but to sit and hold my dads hand....just to sit there by him....priceless. There would be occasions where I would be reading and my dad would be sleeping and he would wake up turn to look at me then fall back asleep....kind of reminds me of when you first have a baby and you wake up just to see if they are still there and ok....=) Still here dad! My sister was good with him too and would feed him his meals since he couldn't. We just charged right in there and took over with our motherly attributes! I'm sure the nurses were just thrilled with us!

As the week drew on Jordan would spend a lot of time with my dad and I would be with my mom at home going through my dads room, cleaning it out, for when he would come home. By the end of the week my dad had progressed some and could talk a little bit. Yes, no, sure, were the ones he said most...we even got an love you too out of him! This was huge! We were told he was ready to go to the rehabilitation center...one step closer to home!

It's been a few months so I don't remember details...should have written it down! Anyway, the rehab center was great, the nurses were great and my dad was doing much better! We decorated his room with pictures of us and drawings from the grand kids. Flowers and get well cards from his students and friends were there too. He was speaking a little more and we finally got him to feed himself with his left hand! It was a great sight to see! Difficult and frustrating I am sure it was, but my dad did it! We are so proud of him, he was even laughing at our bad jokes and saying some of his own too. A nurse, Robert came in and was watching him....I told him don't hold back because he would expect the same out of the students he teaches. My dad wouldn't talk or answer him when Robert would ask him a question, so he bugged him enough, actually he was pushing his fingernail into his right foot, soon my dad said OW! Ahhh you can talk, so the nurse pointed to me and said who is that? My dad said, Johanna. Then he pointed to Jordan and asked the same question...Jordan was my dad's reply. Are they your wives? HAH he got a chuckle from my dad and a no, are the your daughters? Yes came the reply. Good job dad!

Time passed and the closer it got to us going home the harder it was to leave my dads side. Leaving my mom to deal with this on her own is a whole other story....Jordan was coming up again during Allison's spring break which was at the end of March so that is reassuring, and my dads twin brother Kenneth was there to spend some time with him. They had a great time together, laughed, talked, just spent time together.

There were a couple setbacks after we left in February. One he stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated and another time they were worried about his swallowing so he had to have a tube down his throat for a couple of days. Those things sent him back to the hospital, but by the time my sister got there again he was doing somewhat better and back in rehab. His speech wasn't as good, but he did eat with his right hand and do some different exercises which is good, but not enough progress to say he is moving forward so my mom and sister went and checked out places for long term care just in case.

Well a week later my dad was moved into a long term care facility, but they were supper nice and he seemed alright. My mom said he was a little grouchy but that could be from changing environments so much lately. Now we are to the point where my grandpa had passed away and when we were in Utah my mom got a call from the place where my dad was saying that he had another stroke. Seriously?!?!?

Aprilish 2012
I had been reading my patriarchal blessing a lot lately and in there it says that my parents will need my support and help. I kept having a feeling that the time has come, but I wasn't sure on what to do. One day I was talking on the phone to my mom and I could tell she was baring a heavy burden with all that she has been going through and the thought came to me to ask her if she would like me to come spend the summer with her and help her with the house some more and with dad. I could feel her burden lighten a bit when she said, "yes that would be nice." So our plan was to come up the middle of June and stay till the middle of August.

May 15, 2012
When my mom got back to WA after my grandpas funeral she called and said that dad did not look good. I asked her if she thought we should come sooner than planned and she said yes. So we changed plans and planned on being there the last weekend in May. My sister left the next day to be there, again prompted by the spirit I am sure. Jordan thank you so much for living your life in such a way that you listen and know when the spirit talks to you! Jordan said that dad would just sit and stare a lot and that sometimes he would reach out to someone I am sure...Someone he could see waiting to welcome him home.

May 20, 2012
You know that peaceful feeling I talked about that I felt on my Birthday when I woke up? Well I now know it was the spirit! I got a phone call that morning from my mom wishing me a happy birthday and told me that her and Jordan were getting ready to go see my dad before church started. I told her to give him a hug for me and that was that. About an hour later I see my mom is calling me again, I had a feeling it wasn't good. It was my sister, "Dad died this morning." Although you never want to hear those words, especially so young, I was shocked...well I don't even know if that is the right word. I had always had a feeling he wouldn't be getting a ton better and I accepted that. Accepted the fact that he wouldn't work on the computer again, teach again, walk around with the kids again, not live at home again......but to hear he had passed away.....I was speechless to the point that my sister had to ask if I was still there. I said, yes and that I really wanted to see him one last time, she told me she was so sorry that it happened on my birthday, but honestly, I thought that was AWESOME! That is something my dad and I can only share and I was honored that he chose to wait for my birthday to go home. I know he was in a lot of pain physically and mentally, but he and Heavenly Father knew that this was something I needed to help heal.

Immediately after getting off the phone I went into my closet knelt down and prayed. I knew by praying I could be closer to my dad. In my prayer I thanked my Father in Heaven for bringing my dad home and allowing us time with my dad before he went. I also prayed and asked if my dad was ok and if he went peacefully...I felt arms around me and the Saviors voice say, "Peace be unto you, all is well." I asked for a moment to speak with my dad, and I told him that I really wanted to be there and he told me that he knew that and that he loves me and that he is happy. You know writing this down and saying it out loud sounds kind of silly, but this I know to be true and I do not deny it. If anything, my testimony of the Savior knowing us individually and knowing us better than we know ourselves had increased tenfold. After talking to my sister and my mom they both woke up that morning with the same peaceful feeling. My mom said she was up all night trying to figure out how she can tell my dad that it was ok if he went. She was praying for inspiration when she got a stupor of thought and then came an over whelming feeling that she didn't need to worry, everything was going to be ok.

I still went to church because I know that's where I needed to be. The rest of the day I needed some time to myself to reflect and to heal, so Robert was good about keeping the kids away for a bit. There was a time when all of us sat on the couch after we told the kids and just hugged and cried. That moment I will cherish always. I can say this, I am grateful for the way Heavenly Father called my dad home, I am grateful for the time I had to spend with him and become closer to him than I ever was. I'm grateful that my sister was there to be with my mom and I know it was planned that way. Jordan I love you so much and I am so happy to call you my sis! You are a great woman and a mother and I am so thankful that you were strong for mom because I know that was not easy to do. Mom, WOW what a woman you are. I look up to you for your strength and wisdom. You are the best mother and grandmother I child/grandchild could be blessed with in this life and the next! Thank goodness for the gospel and the knowledge that you will be with your husband again, just like old times! Until then stay strong because we need you!

So how do you prepare for a time like this? Some say you can't..... I say, you can by living your life the way Heavenly Father has taught you too and by having faith in Him and in His plan for each of us. Live your life so you won't have regrets, day to day.....that is something I need to work on, but I know it's true! Let Him in and guide you and you can't go wrong. It still hurts that my dad is gone but the knowledge that I will be with him again and the peaceful feeling I feel when I think of him far outweighs the sorrow that losing a loved one brings!

Peace be unto you....all is well!